Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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