At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
