Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i will never coherently bang her
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
