They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
