Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
