I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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