this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
