So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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