I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
