she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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