I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
