She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
