I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
