When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
