My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
