shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
