Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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