A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
