We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
