I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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