I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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