wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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