census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
where am i from again
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
