I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
