Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
ok first of all what the fuck
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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