I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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