evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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