you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
