Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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