How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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