my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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