No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
All I want is dick and wine.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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