If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got inside last night via doggy door
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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