did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
