Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
