I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We're too hungover to prance.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
