Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
