Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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