I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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