i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
