I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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