dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
