So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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