After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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