I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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