Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
