and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
