Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
