If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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