Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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