you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
