just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
