I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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