pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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