flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
