We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
